Your Why... Now Apply

It has been a struggle to decide to write about what I am about to share. It is April and warmer weather is coming to my state of Michigan. I know people are looking forward to summer, bathing suits, shorts and sun or... hoping summer never comes, so they can stay in their protective shell of loose fitting coats and sweaters. Which category do you fit into? Which season are you hoping for?

I personally, have had a heck of a winter. This has never happened to me before! Along with lots of stress! So much so, that my physical and emotional stock piles got used up. From late fall until the end of February, our entire family was exposed to daycare germs from our grandchild, who was sick every time we saw him. How can you keep a three year old from hugging and kissing and cuddling? Better yet, how can we keep from hugging, kissing and cuddling him?!

I was looking forward to eternal winter, hiding in my baggy clothes.


So, now what? Do I give up? Do I quit? Do I just say, I can't get going and get myself back in shape?

I needed to step back and get back in touch with 'my why', and how the rest of the world will be affected by my choices. Yup! Little ol' me affecting the world. Little old you affecting the world. All of us are a reflection of the greater whole. Everything we do to each other as well as to ourselves tells the world where it's headed.

I had to be still and listen to my self talk. It was very negative. Guess what happened? My world got very negative. Guess what else? It caused a rippling effect. Have you ever done stone skipping on a still lake? Do you notice how the ripples move outward?


That's what happens to us in everyday life. We send out vibes, good and bad. Well, mine were definitely bad. I knew it, but I still would not stop being negative. I did not have the world by the tail, as I usually do. It was more like a lead weight.

For me, my health, is right up there with God, my husband and my children. If I don't have my health, I don't have much! That was my mantra for about six months. IT WAS NOT WORKING! My husband felt it, like he was at fault for something. There was this barrier up between us. That is the only way I can explain it. We spoke to each other, and carried on, but there was this unknown, unseen, force, that was keeping us apart. Do you remember those vibes I was telling you about? The ones that send out positive and negative? They were more like tidal waves! I was sending out those negative vibes and they were affecting my soul partner. Not Good!
My daughter was hit by those vibes. She retreated to her room. Almost every time she would appear it seems, I had something to say... negative. It didn't necessarily have to be anything pointed at her, although I did give her my fair share. It was mostly about I don't want this, or I hate this, or they did this to me.

I don't even want to tell you this, but as long as I am being brutally honest and to let you know where this is going, I need to let you know that yes, even my cat, my furry gray, green-eyed son, had issues with me. He would sulk around corners, hoping I wouldn't call for him or try to pick him up. He would slink away when I tried to run my hands along his soft, silky fur. What was going on?! He loved me.

But, did I love myself? I was feeling all these toxic emotions, and thinking that was the way to deal with those people and events that made me sick, gain weight and get out of shape! Why? I was passing judgment on everyone and myself. That is not the way to live 'my why'.

The simple act of forgiveness can be cleansing and healing. Not judging can be the difference between living in love or living in fear. It's been very interesting to me that so many positive and negative emotions, lives being held back or moving forward, stem from those two emotions. So, I just wanted to let you know something I discovered or became aware of through all of this.

The first thing I needed to do, was become aware of what my body was telling me. The way I look and felt said it all. I was a perfect reflection of discontent, sadness and unforgiving.


I read that everything comes and goes, arises and subsides, goes up and then goes down. Think about that. How about the ocean's tides?

Nature has a way of ebbing and flowing, the sun rises and it sets, the daylight comes and the nighttime takes it's place. A caterpillar surrounds itself in a cocoon so it can prepare to come out as a beautiful butterfly.

We are all part of nature. It was my time to go to a place I think I needed to go. I haven't figured out why yet, at least not all of it.

I honestly don't think I could have written this had I not gone to that place. The reason I decided to tell my story is I want you all to know that everyone and everything that is a part of nature has those moments, those times that we have to go to in preparation for the next step in our lives.

If you are having one of those moments, and mine lasted six months, then just be still and listen to your self talk. What is it telling you? What do you hear or not hear? What is your body saying? Is it hurting anywhere? Are you having actual physical symptoms, like headaches, stomach upset? Does your heart actually ache? Are you dealing with weight and is it weighing you down, holding you back, keeping you out of the ebb and flow of your life?

Nothing is permanent. Let me repeat that. Nothing is permanent. No one can hold you down because they aren't permanent. You are only between making a decision to be positive or not. Don't judge yourself or others. Forgive yourself and forgive others.

I made my decision. I am not judging myself for where I was. I forgive myself and am moving toward forgiveness of others. I am rising, swinging upward again. My momentum has begun. A renewed energy, a positive vibe. Guess what is happening? My love, my husband, has changed, as well. He will just call me to tell me he loves me. We laugh and play again. We are excited to see each other.

My daughter and I have two-sided conversations now. She comes to me and asks me what she can do to help me or she shares interests with me now, more than she has.
Yes, even my cat, my four footed little gray man, can't wait for me to come in the door and jump up and give me a love nudge in the face, purring his love tunes.

Now, just think about little ol' me having an effect on my speck of the universe? What do you think my husband did when he went out in the world with that negative vibe as part of his outlook?

How do you think my daughter felt when she talked with friends and had these sad thoughts and negative feelings and vibrations inside? Even my little gray rat,(cat), was swept away by my tidal wave of emotions.

As for me, I have begun moving my body in a way that soothes me, challenges me and helps me be healthy and joyful. I have begun to eat nourishing foods, not foods that fill an emotional void.



So, if I have that kind of effect on my family, my cat, and my self, we go out into the world and spread it, and that positive gets passed on, it is like the rippling effect of water.

Why am I here? What is my purpose, my talents, best qualities, my gifts? What are my dreams and what do I want? I can tell you without a doubt, it isn't being judgmental, fearful, an unforgiving of myself or others.

I just want you to think about where you are in this ebb and flow. You know nothing is permanent. Think about that with your speck of the universe. Will you be a tidal wave or the gentle positive rippling effect felt round the world?

Now go find your why, now apply.

Judy